Amazing love...

 Mark, Barbs, JJ and Takara are Missionaries in rural Kwa-Zulu Natal, South Africa, and much loved friends.  Some of you know them and know just how special a family they are.  

Barbs is currently undergoing treatment for breast cancer and has just begun her next round of chemo.

Yesterday morning I received this email from Barbs and with her permission, I'd like to share it with you in the hope that you too would be blessed by reading it, and like me, be amazed and encouraged.

What amazing love... 

 'One done... 7 to go' is what I said yesterday as Wendy, the chemo sister got the needle in without any problem. That applies to the chemos as well I suppose tho my main concern yesterday was my vein not blowing.  And, the Lord was faithful to answer the prayers for that. 

 Now we're just dealing with the aftermath which is proving much easier than the last kind of chemo thus far.  The nurses had some encouraging things to say yesterday, that altho the medication is essentially stronger than the last kind, the body tolerates it much easier.  They are also sooooo very good about treating for possible symptoms before the chemo starts.  My post chemo meds go for 3 days now tho I'll continue on a pill to protect the lining of my stomach for the duration ( a side effects of the higher doses of corticosteroids that control many of the side effects).  No queasiness even at this point PTL.  Tho they're even giving me less of the meds to counteract that as they're not expecting it to be as big of a risk as the last time.  PTL. 

We're having a quiet week this week, figuring out how things will be (knowing that the effects will accumulate as the treatment goes on).  Next week Anne and her daughter Lydia come for a few days from Pietermaritzburg while Dave stays home to get their boys to and from school and to continue ministry there.  

I"ve just woken and couldn't fall asleep again and was so pressed with these thoughts that I wondered if the Lord wanted to me put them together for myself, and maybe one of you need the encouragment of their truth...  I know that we're not the only people experiencing trials right now.
I was thinking about Jesus' hands in the world or Jesus with skin on.  Its what I always say that we who are the body of christ need to be in the world.  My context at that point was responding to people with HIV and AIDs.  But, the Lord has allowed it that the truth of those words are now reaching into my life.  And, they feel like love.  It makes me cry.... As  I thought further, I realised there have been 2 kinds of responses of love to me.
  
The response of words (people speaking my language of love).  l'll mention a few cos there have been many... 'Barb you need to rest more, Smudge (our cat) needs her rest', ' I wish I was there to hug you and wash your dishes', 'don't worry about your hair falling out! we dont love you because of your hair', 'mom I dont want anything to happen to you', 'Barb its all so overwhelming', 'I don't know what else to say', 'oh Barbs it's so good to have you back' (the day I was over the worst of the side effects after Christmas), 'how are you doing', 'Im so relieved to see you looking so well, I was so anxious about how you'd look', prayed with tears 'Lord please heal Barb and allow her to see her gandchildren'.  These and words like them, just say to me 'I love you'.  'God must trust you so much to allow you to walk this road... followed later by (when we had the 50:50 statistic), this is more than we were expecting, we need to think and pray before we respond', 'He is holding you', 'He is in control', 'keep your chin up (which I take to mean, keep your eyes on Jesus). 

These words of love have encouraged me to keep my focus right in the midst of the storm.  They have helped me to have the courage to trust the Lord with Mark, JJ and Kara.  To put them on His alter sometimes on a daily basis, knowing from the truth in His word that we WILL care for them even if He says my time this side is up at some point in the future, because He LOVES them far more than me.  Tho :) I have also told him I'm ready to go home but not yet ready to leave them.  I am realising that the whole reason for us being this side is learning not how to be happy, or healed on the outside or even feeling fulfilled and doing good work.  Its about learning to honor Him in all things, about submitting to His leading and plans and mostly about trusting Him with me and the people I love.  And, boy has the Lord blessed me with many of those!  My cup runs over.  Sorry crying again... tho happy tears.  I do want to add here so there can be no illusions, that I am not smiling all the time.  I cry I lot and sometimes I don't even cope very well with some of the day to day things.  I am certainly no strong tower, its the Lord that holds me up and allows me to stand.  I know that He understands my/our weaknesses.  He is glad when we're honest about how we feel and share that with Him and each other, for that matter.  

Then there have been actions of love.  Andy massaging my sore neck and head for ages, Mark being around constantly at chemo and in the aftermath, moms and others sending stuff and calling all the time, family and friends holding down the fort so that moms and friends could come and help/be with us, JJ pulling a blanket over his half asleep mom, Kara calling out in the night needing mom to lie close to her, so many gifts allowing us to be cared for but also not having to worry about a thing, others coming just to sit with me on bad days, others providing lifts for me and the children, food cooked for us,.... I could go on and on. 

Thinking through all these actions again says 'I love you".  Have we not experienced during this last year enough love for a lifetime!  Thank you.  We are not alone.  He is with us each minute, and you are there all the time too.  We are so very blessed and humbled.  

I love these quiet times with the Lord, just being with him. 

Everyone else asleep in the world, just Him and me.  Me not doing anything, other than being with Him.  Allowing me time to think back on His faithfulness. 

 Oh how He has cared for me.  Through grappling with the blessings of my sight problem, bringing us our wonderful children, taking us to the edge of ourselves in ministry, now coping with cancer.  His love and plan shine back from the past days, shining light on the hard time of now. 

 And, that is also why I can trust Him so fully. 

He has proved His love to me. 

I don't have to get down on 'why me Lord' because I know He has a plan, I just don't see the whole picture yet (tho in His grace, He has allowed me to see some pieces to the puzzle).  I don't have to fall down under the weight of it all because He carries the cross with me and has shown me how the love of others (Jesus with skin on) carries that load with me.  In being the body of Christ like this we don't have to talk the body of Christ.  It shows through our actions.  And, the truth of that has just blown me away. 

 'Gee Barb you have such a support system' is what is said to me often at oncology.  And,my response with a huge smile is always 'yes the Lord is very good'.  What a privilege to carry His cross.  What an incredible joy to be His child.  What a wonderful thought that we're called to be servants of the high king who himself came to earth as a king but who acted as a servant to show us how.

  I sit here in complete peace.  

I do pray as I share this that it may be an encouragement to something you're struggling with. I remember saying at the start of this journey last year, that I wanted us to hold up the banner of His goodness, even through the suffering.  Thank you for helping me hold up my arms...

Thank you for your prayers.  I do covet them in the weeks ahead.
Only for His glory 
Barb
 

 We're in this together...

 

Hugos, we love and cherish you, you are always in our prayers.